Humor

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1

A few years ago, the Boston Red Sox were winning all season long, and their greatest rivals, the New York Yankees, were not winning, and this is what you heard:

“The New York Yankees need to take lessons from the Boston Red Sox, on how to be gracious losers …

…because they have had so much more experience at it!

2

Bob and Marie were one of three couples meeting with the pastor to learn more about joining the congregation. The minister said: “You will be able to join our church if you can demonstrate your self-discipline by remaining pure and chaste for three weeks.” The couples would meet every week to tell the minister whether or not they had succeeded in refraining from sex.

After two weeks, all couples had been successful and were making good progress toward joining the church. At the third meeting one couple reported that they had refrained from sex during the final week, and the minister welcomed them into the congregation. The same was true for the second couple. Then it was Bob’s time to report. He said that one evening Marie had bent down to pick up a can of peas and he had been overcome by desire; they’d had furious sex right there on the floor.

The minister seemed sympathetic, but he said sadly that, since they had failed to restrain their desire, they were no longer welcome at his church.

Marie replied: “And we aren’t welcome at the supermarket anymore either!”

3

A big man from a great state in the Southwest was touring the Harvard campus. He happened upon an undergraduate, took off his Stetson, and said: “Please, sir. Where’s the Library at?”

The undergraduate look startled, and replied: “Sir, you have ended your sentence with a preposition!”

So the big man said, “Well, then, uh… Where’s the Library at, you jackass?!”

4

A man who had survived the Great Coal Mine Flood of 1959 loved to tell the story, longer and in greater detail every time he told it, of how he had floated down the river until he managed to grab an overhanging tree branch where he hung on for two hours (or was it two days?) until help eventually arrived.

When this man finally died and appeared at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter welcomed him and said that all new arrivals were granted one special request as they started their new life of heavenly bliss. What did he want?

Well, after thinking it over carefully, he said he wanted St. Peter to call all the angels together so that he could tell them the great story of how he had survived the flood. Peter went to work and assembled all the heavenly multitudes together on a great cloud hillside, with a big stage and podium all set up for the story.

Just before he led the man to the holy microphone, Peter whispered: “Noah is in the audience.”

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