Humor

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1

I heard a corporate President tell this as a true story:

The corporation became concerned at some point that the hourly workers were too uncouth or poorly mannered and started a low-key campaign to introduce some civilized expectations into the workplace. Signs were posted in all the restrooms: "All employees will wash their hands before returning to work."

Soon afterwards, a supervisor was using a restroom just off the floor with the assembly line, when a worker came in, used the facilities, and walked over to the door.

"Hey!" the supervisor gestured to the sign. "Can't you read?"

The worker turned and said, a bit defiantly: "Yes, I can read. But I'm not going back to work... I'm going to lunch!"

2

Have you ever known someone who seems to know personally everyone else, and who in one way or another keeps reminding you of that fact?

Well, I live in a small city, and even I know such an individual: his name is Neil Deane. One time, for instance, a famous U. S. Senator was going to speak in the town just up the road and my friend couldn't make it, but he told me to say Hello from him to the Senator!

I wasn't going to do that, of course, but when I did have the opportunity to shake this man's hand, he asked me where I was from. When I told him, he said, "Well, you probably know my friend, Neil Deane."

That was sufficiently annoying. Then, on another occasion, for a national charity drive a retired athletic star came through our own town, and Neil and I both had the chance to tell him Hello. Only when he got to Neil, he said: "Hey, how's it going? How's your wife... Sam, is it?"

So when the two of us won a raffle to go to Rome at Easter, we went several hours early to St. Peter's square so that we could get a good look at the Pope. There were a lot of people already there, but we got a great place to stand, with a good view of that little balcony up high in the wall of the basilica.

After we had stood there a little while, chatting a bit with the others who came in around us, Neil said: "I'll be back in a little while" and disappeared into the crowd. I was thinking he should have taken care of that before we left the hotel.

Well, time went on, and Neil didn't come back. The crowd was becoming more and more packed in. I figured if we did get separated, we could each find our way back to the hotel, and was enjoying my conversation with a man from Africa who had recently arrived. He was very dark and tall and skinny, and he was wearing a very brightly decorated cloth covering his whole body. He spoke English very well, and had a British accent.

There had been no sign of Neil, when the heavy red curtains were pulled back and the Pope stepped out (to a huge ovation, of course) but among the several people standing with him... was my friend Neil!

The African gentleman leaned down to ask in my ear: "Can you tell me who that lad is in the white dress with the conical hat...

...standing next to Neil Deane?


3

A girl was being examined by her doctor. Her blouse was unbuttoned as he listened to her heart and her lungs with his stethoscope.

After a minute, he said: "Big breaths, Louise."

And she said: "Yeth, and I'm only thixthteen!"

4

Just about everyone - I suppose - has heard that, as we get older, our most prominant features simply become still more pronounced. Those who are a little stubborn, as they age, tend to become more stubborn. Those who can be irritable become more irritable.

In general, that is, those qualities that tend to characterize us the most earlier in life, tend to become more and more prominant as we grow older.

So, personally...

...I'm looking forward to becoming handsomer and smarter!

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