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1
My wife and I were attending a meeting of the area's Association of "Ostomates," local women, men, and children who have had surgery to remove one of the bodily organs included in the elimination of bodily wastes. Ostomates include those without bladders, or "urostomates"; those without a portion of the colon, or "colostomates"; or those without the whole colon, or "ileostomates". The meetings take place monthly in a variety of hospitals around the metropolitan area. Some who are considering whether or not to have the surgery can come to these meetings too.
Usually, 35 or 40 attend. Programs vary but usually consist of a presentation by a Ostomy-Care nurse practitioner or other medical professional, or by an ostomate with a special message to convey.
2
Once a year, instead of the usual type of program, we divide ourselves up and meet in smaller groups to share personal experiences, ask questions of each other or of the nurse practitioners who run each "break-out group," and discuss whatever comes up. These are always the best-attended and most useful and engaging sessions, although all programs are really informative and pleasant.
One reason this kind of free-discussion meeting is found by all to be so valuable and so interesting is the fact that there is so much variety among the membership. Everyone has some kind of external device (a pouch or "bag") replacing what is usually an internal organ, but the reasons for such surgery are many and varied. It could be cancer, or a severe colon or bladder disease. It could be an injury (such as in a car accident), or even a criminal attack.
[Note: My wife and I learned from an emergency nurse recently that some dreadful gangs sometimes go out to "bag" somebody... that is, shoot them in the gut so that they become ostomates. We have never seen any indication of such a deliberate cause for this kind of surgery, but it is blood-curdling to contemplate.]
Members of the group can be young or old, white-collar or blue-collar (as we used to say), rural or urban or suburban, retired (like us) or working or still in school. They may have had their surgery a month ago or 40 years ago. And almost everyone has a slightly different method of handling the various products and devices they have found to deal with their particular circumstances.
4
The four small discussion groups are the urostomates, the colostomates, the ileostomates, and the rest of us - spouses, parents, siblings, or close friends.
At this year's break-out meeting, I of course joined the spouses and other companions. During the first part of the meeting when we were still all together, I had noticed a new couple who had not attended before; or, at least, I had not noticed them before.
The husband came to the others' breakout group and ended up sitting about a third of the way around the table on my right. The nurse practitioner was third or so on my left. There were eight or ten of us. She had us introduce ourselves one by one around the table, identifying our relationship with our ostomate. Everyone also mentioned which bodily organ had been removed and how long ago the surgery had been.
"Joe" said this was his wife's and his first meeting, since she had undergone the bladder surgery only 10 days before. My own wife's surgery had been almost exactly one year before that night.
"Now," the nurse asked, "does anyone have anything you wanted to bring up?"
One of the older men, who had been at every meeting and seemed to know everybody, said: "Yes, our medical supplier has stopped carrying one of the supplies - our brand - that we have been using for twenty years. Has anybody else had this problem?"
Various individuals told about occasions when such a thing had happened to them. After finding out where this coupled lived, several suggestions were made about other suppliers not too far away who were still carrying the product, and the exchange of experiences and tips continued for a while.
When there was a little pause, "Joe" - a tall, white-haired man with a lot of dignity in his bearing and a strong voice - started to speak. His tone was flat, and he didn't make eye contact as he went on.
5
"My wife was diagnosed with bladder cancer six months ago," he said. "She's a very religious woman, and she set about praying about her situation. A group formed itself at the Church to pray together for her several times a week.
"She had the chemo and then the radiation, but the doctor said the bladder had to go. So we set the date and got ourselves prepared. Her son has spent more time with us than usual, leaving his own family across town more often than before.
"One week before the surgery was scheduled to happen, we went in for some final tests. When the doctor came in a while later, he had a funny look on his face. He said he'd never seen anything like it: the cancer seemed to be gone!
"He said it would undoubtedly return, and the surgery was the only way to prevent its spreading. So we ought to go ahead with the schedule.
"My wife told the prayer group they had saved her. It proved the power of prayer and the goodness of God. She wanted to cancel the surgery. But her son and I kept talking with her, and gradually she calmed down. We went ahead with the surgery after all. Just 10 days ago."
6
But all that was not what "Joe" had wanted to share with us.
"Just tonight, on our way here, my wife said she hadn't needed the surgery. God had saved her from the cancer, but we had made her have the surgery."
He didn't say anything else, didn't ask us for anything. It seemed that maybe just sharing this experience was what he had needed.
I felt sure that the rapt attention we had all given him, and the feeling of sympathy and support he must have perceived - it was palpable - would have reached him.
"You did the right thing!" one of us said loudly in a raspy, emotionally tight voice. It seemed palpable again that all of us, all, agreed.
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I wondered if "Joe" and his wife would return to future meetings. It's been a good sign to see that they have.
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