The Old Guy Meets His Maker

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Oops!  No, sorry now.  Fell asleep, you know?  Just a minute.  Eyes down, brain closed for the day, checked out.  But just for a minute, see?

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But who's that big guy, with the shoulders?  All the hair, see?  If he had a rifle, he'd look like Charlton Heston, see what I mean?  Who is that?

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No, wait a minute, please!  Keep your shirt on, or put your shirt on, rather.  No, there's no reason you should know anymore than I do; I just thought you did, that's all.  We're just standing here in this little line.  Do you know what for?

Ok, Okay.  Relax.  I was just hoping you'd know; I don't.

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Did you get that?  The old woman behind us said we're going to meet "him." 

Any idea who "him" is?  Not a clue myself.  Takin' a power nap and then waitin' here in this little line, that's all.  We should get an autograph, eh lady?  Well...  Maybe she's a little hard of hearing, I don't know.

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He's on the move, heads up!

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Oh my gosh, I'm going to say: Hey there yourself, mister.  I know you're a big cheese and all - maybe I should say THE big cheese, right? Haw, haw.  But excuse me, sir.  I don't know who you are or why we are here...  You know?  Could you fill me in?

That's too long, isn't it?

Or I could go on: If you can help me... I'm feelin' stupid here, and you could set me straight?  Get it?

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Ok, Ok.  I'm stupid.  Sorry.  Who are you?

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Ahh...  You're kidding, right? Haw haw.  Oops!

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A Small Compendium of a 7th Grader's Humor, ca. 1956

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1.  Q: Why do you sing in the bathtub?

     A: The door won't lock.



2.   (add your own music)

     "... And you'll never walk... (pause, deep breath)
                                                                                   ... AGAIN..."



3.   A doctor was examining a teenage girl.

      "Big breaths, Louise," he said.

     "Yeth," she replied: "and I'm only thixth-teen!"



4.  (from Summer Sunday School.  Organ accompanies...)

     "Lift up your heads, O ye gates!

     And be ye lift up, ye ever-lasting doors!  (pause)

     AND THE KING OF GLORY - SHALL - COME - IN!"


     Only we said, "ye ever-lasting DRAWERS!"

    " ...AND THE KING OF GLORY ..." (etc.)


5.  (Pop orchestra accompanies)

     "WHEN the moon hits your eye like a BIG PIZZZA PIE,

     "That's a...
                            ME-ESS!"



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